


The Other Side (of a world without you)

by fanfics4you



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Crises, F/M, Felicity's POV, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Mia and Felicity, Oliver's POV, Parallels?? Probably I used a lot of quotes omg, Twenty years, We going angst!!, post 7x22
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 20:46:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20234107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfics4you/pseuds/fanfics4you
Summary: She stares at the sky, the moon staring back at her. She holds her daughter in her arms as she starts to talk about him. She hopes wherever he is, he is safe. She hopes that he knows. That she still loves him, that he has a daughter who loves him so much, a son who lives far away from this world, leading the normal life he always wanted. She hopes that he knows he isn't alone.He stares at the sky, his fingers caressing his wedding ring gently. The night is full of darkness and he feels so lonely. He has everything here, yet he has nothing. He sees a shooting star fall from the sky, and he finally smiles. His hold on his wedding ring tightens as he reminds himself why is he doing this again. He knows.In which Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak spend twenty years apart and then a lifetime together.





	The Other Side (of a world without you)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! So, an angsty chapter ahead. I've been thinking about this for a long time. I hope you all like it x Shoutout to my girl Sana, who betaed this for me. Thank you!!!

Felicity should be used to it by now.

She stands near one of the windows of her house, her head leaning against the sidewall as she stares outside—as she stares at _nothing_.

It has been merely hours since Oliver left her, left _them _and all Felicity can think about is how she should be used to it by now.

_We’re always saying goodbye to each other. You’d think I’d be good at it by now._

She thinks about their first meeting—the first time he came to her, a bullet ridden laptop in his hand and a part of her wishes she could undo it. Maybe that will stop the pain, maybe then she will stop feeling like her heart is being ripped apart every two seconds.

But then she remembers the smile he shot her way that very day and a small one breaks out on her face. 

Falling for him was inevitable, she supposed.

Losing him was inevitable too.

She thinks about the time he went back to the island. She thinks about the time when she tried to fix the foundry, wanting to piece it all back together—wanting to piece her life back together. For the first time, she found her purpose and so had he, she knew. _She always did. _So she hoped, he would come back.

He did.

He always did.

Not this time though.

She thinks about him dying. She thinks about the bloodied sword Malcolm Merlyn left on her table. She clenches her hands together, her breath hitching as she recalls it all. She remembers her crying in her office, she remembers staring at nowhere for days—_just like now—_she remembers trying to accept that he was gone.

But he came back.

She remembers running into his arms. She remembers him holding her as he reassures that he is okay, that he is here with _her. _She remembers wishing she didn’t love him because if death didn’t make him love her—_what will?_

She remembers walking away, leaving him behind. She remembers thinking how it was stupid to hope, stupid to _dream _because he would never love her. Not the way she deserved to be loved. He would never reach out.

But he did.

This time he won’t.

She remembers losing him once _again _and remembers thinking how cruel life could be? To give her a taste of everything she’s ever wanted only to rip it away. If only that Felicity could see her right now. She remembers thinking how Oliver and her were doomed—he couldn’t trust her with his child. He couldn’t trust her with something so important, how were they were supposed to get married? How were they supposed to be together—

They figured it out though. He trusted her with his child.

With his _– their _son.

With their daughter.

He won’t get to see them grow up though.

She remembers losing him again when he went to prison. She remembers staying awake at night, fear crippling her heart like no other as she waited for Diaz to strike. As she waited for someone to rescue her husband.

No one did.

She remembers sitting on the other side of the glass, hand against the pane, Oliver on the other side and all she wanted to do was reach out to him but she couldn’t—she _couldn’t. _So close, and yet so far. 

She remembers refusing to let go of his hand when he came back – because of course he did – she remembers telling him she was pregnant, she remembers smiling and just feeling happy—she also remembers dreading.

Because when has something bad not followed after something happy?

She remembers losing William, she remembers crying in Oliver’s arms thinking about the child they had lost and the child they had gained. She remembers her little girl being born, she remembers her first smile, she remembers her holding onto her father’s finger—

Her father’s long gone though.

Just like _hers._

She lost her father.

She lost Cooper.

She lost Ray.

She lost William.

She lost Oliver. 

_She lost, she lost, she lost. _

So tonight, Felicity cries. She doesn’t stop the tears from falling. She’s never been good at goodbyes but she supposed, she should have been. 

Because this is how it ends – Oliver and Felicity.

Star crossed lovers, two shores never meant to unite. Never meant to be together because somehow a tide always manages to rip them apart.

She doesn’t have the strength, _not tonight, not anymore._

So, she cries. She sobs her heart out as she stares out of her house, she stares at the sky, wanting to see a glimmer of light, _something. _But all that surrounds her is darkness. 

_Complete and utter darkness._

…

The _first _year, she tries to get herself together. It’s hard to go on without him. She misses him every day, the house—because that’s it what it was now, not a home, _never _a home—is silent. 

She tells herself, she will bring him back. He has made it back to her every time, she won’t let go of him, not so easily. She will find him again, she promised. She _will._

She talks to John, tries to recruit Argus but to no avail. She wants to talk to Thea but she knows it’s not safe. She talks to her mother—she tells her, she is going to visit her but Felicity stops her. It was never safe, not for them and the last thing she wants is losing another person close to her. 

She tries to contact Barry, she tries to contact Kara but nothing happens, Oliver is nowhere to be found. And a bitter part of her wonders, if they really were ever worth it. She knows it isn’t their fault but she hates, she hates it so much. 

Sometimes, she breaks because no matter how much she tells herself that he is still out there alive—she doesn’t know, _she doesn’t know._

_I’m helpless out here. _

But sometimes, she holds Mia close to herself as she sits outside on the porch, staring at the sky full of stars and she often wonders if this a sign? Is there really a light at the end of this tunnel? 

Does he know? That he was her light too? How bleak the world feels without him? 

But then Mia holds her finger, her small hand on her wedding ring, as she looks up at her, her eyes shining—just like her father, _so much like her father—_her little feet kicking as she tightens her hold on her wedding ring, like she has found something to hold on to and Felicity thinks _she has _found something to hold on to. 

Maybe there was light at the end of the tunnel.

_You aren’t helpless anywhere._

…

The _second _year is when she starts focusing more on Smoak Tech. She needs a distraction, so she works hard. She creates new things, she creates a new _legacy _but she never allows herself to fully embrace it. 

She stays in the shadows. 

As the CEO of Smoak Tech.

As the mother of William.

She keeps tabs on him, of course she does. She knows he is excelling at school, she already knows his future is _so _bright.

She wishes he knew, how proud she was of him.

But then she sees his grandparents beside him and she falters. She thinks about her circumstances, she thinks about the ninth circle and she thinks this pain is worth it---at least he is out there, safe and happy.

That’s all that matters.

At night, she sits on his side of the bed, it doesn’t smell like him, not anymore. She stares at the photo of them she keeps on her--_his_\--bedside. It was their wedding reception, her arm interlocked with his and she wonders, if their wedding vows even mattered. 

_My greatest fear in life is losing you._

But then, her daughter rushes into her arms and Felicity forgets about it all. She hugs Mia to her chest as the two of them sit together and she smiles—she smiles so _widely, _the world momentarily forgotten because she has her world in her arms. 

“Stars,” Their baby whispers dreamily, looking at the sky in wonder as she flexes her tiny hand in the air as if trying to reach them and beyond—her grin so bright, her dimples popping just like her father and Felicity thinks maybe she hasn’t lost him at all.

_I believe whatever life throws at us, our love can conquer it._

…

The _third _year, she sets up a small lair in one of the rooms of her house. She keeps a photo of the team, she thinks of the mark of four. She keeps a photo of William and her, on the other end, her eyes burning as she does so. She stupidly changes the wallpaper to that of her husband, telling herself that this is what she is fighting for. 

Felicity wants to find a purpose and no matter what she tries to tell herself, she hasn’t gotten good at goodbyes. 

She hopes—she still hopes. 

She sits on her station for hours. She monitors Smoak Tech, she checks on Star City. She checks on John, who tells her that the city is in a better position than before. She tries to look for the Monitor.

She tries.

She _fails._

She tries.

She _fails._

She falters.

“Mamma!” Mia calls out to her, and she steps outside, her eyes landing on her angel who is sitting on the other end of the room, her hands on her tablet and Felicity smiles a little—reminding herself again why she’s doing this.

_Maybe what we’ve been doing, we’ve been doing for those we care about._

She tries again.

…

The _fourth _year is when she realizes, she has given up.

Mia pops up behind her, jumping over the couch instead of crossing it and Felicity rolls her eyes, a small smile still on her lips.

“Mamma!” Mia says excitedly and Felicity turns around instantly, her hands landing on the kitchen slab right behind her for support, “Mia!” She echoes in the same tone and the little girl bursts into giggles.

She reaches towards her and hugs her legs, her smile unwavering and Felicity lets out a surprise huff at that. She crouches down the next second, reaching for her daughter who hugs her tightly, “You’re very happy,” Felicity notes, rubbing her back, “What happened?”

“I see Daddy!” She declares gleefully, stepping away from her and Felicity can swear her heart stopped beating for a second, “Wh-What?”

“I see him, Mamma!” She declares enthusiastically, nodding her head as if trying to convince her, “Where?” 

“Outside! He was there, I see him,” She points towards the play area outside and Felicity stands up, walking outside but she sees no one.

She falters for a second, leaning against the door wondering why she even hoped. She shakes her head in denial. 

“There is no one here, Mia,” Felicity tells her and Mia shakes her head, “I see him, Mamma! He was right there.”

Felicity sighs, “Maybe he left.” She tells her instead, not wanting to break her heart. It was common wasn’t it—imagining things? Especially with how often, she tells her about him.

_Will you tell Mia that I love her every day?_

“Will he come back?” She looks at her, her eyes wide in anticipation and Felicity feels her heart breaking in two.

“I don’t know, baby,” She answers instead, crouching down yet again, putting the stray lock of her hair behind her ear. She cups her cheek, “We’ll wait and see, okay?”

Mia nods her head, satisfied with that answer before she moves forward to hug her again. Felicity rubs her back, a sigh escaping her lips.

She thinks she might have finally gotten good at goodbyes. 

…

_The fifth _year turns out to be the hardest of them all.

William’s _graduated._

She stares at the picture on her screen. Her son is all grown up as he grins at his grandparents, his graduation gown on, a cap on his head and all Felicity can think about is that it’s not fair.

He’s going to MIT.

The thought makes her want to curl up in a ball and cry. She wishes she could be there. She wishes _he _could be here. She wishes William could meet Mia. She wishes _so _much.

She tells herself, she will not break. Because this is how it is, how it is supposed to be. William is safe and happy—_protected. _

Like she promised Oliver.

Her eyes flicker towards the keychain on her table, the small yellow smiley staring back at her, her spectacles eerily similar to Felicity’s. 

_His life will be better with you in it. Just like mine._

She breaks.

…

_The sixth_ year, she contacts Nyssa.

It’s something that’s always been in the back of her head, teaching Mia how to fight.

_You need to do everything in your power to keep Mia and William safe._

It feels good to see a familiar face. Nyssa smiles at her, and for a brief moment Felicity thinks about old times and how she would literally kill to go back, when times were simpler.

She watches Mia learn how to fight, she watches her fall and she watches her rise.

She watches as her daughter turns her head towards her and Felicity grins, knowing she wants to see her reaction to her training. 

She reminds her _so _much of Oliver, it’s unreal. She thinks about how in an ideal life, it would have been Oliver teaching her how to fight. 

Her heart aches.

_In an ideal life._

…

The _seventh_ year is when she finally finds _something_.

Her days are the same. She thinks about Oliver, she thinks about William—she thinks about life, where all of them are together.

She talks to Nyssa as the two of them drink their coffee, it feels good to have someone around. A little less lonely. She keeps telling her how much Mia looks like her, and Felicity smiles a little—all she can see in her is Oliver.

_I know she will grow up to be as smart and as beautiful as her mom._

She caresses her wedding ring unconsciously.

The conversation drifts to Sara and Nyssa’s voice becomes _soft, _“She’ll always be my beloved.” She tells Felicity and she doesn’t know who amongst the two of them has it worse.

She thinks it might be Nyssa, at least Felicity got to be with her love, even if it was brief. She instinctively reaches and keeps her hand on top of hers, “It gets better with time.” She says, and she knows it does—but it’s been years—she also knows it doesn’t. 

Nyssa smiles wryly before continuing talking and the conversation somehow drifts to the legends. 

To time travelling. 

To multiverses. 

It gives Felicity a pause. 

…

The_ eighth_ year is when it gets a little easier to breathe.

Because maybe she has hope.

_The end of the fricken universe._

She’s been looking for the Monitor all along here, hoping to find something—but what if he isn’t here? What if he is out there—somewhere else? She thinks about Mia seeing her father and she wonders for a brief moment, if he really was there. The Monitor needed his help, so what if he is out there—helping him?

She’s determined to find him.

_We are the best parts of each other (and that is so much bigger than the fricken universe)_

…

The _ninth_ year is when she _finally _meets the Monitor.

It’s a little too late, she knows. She looks around the mess as she steps closer to him. Her heart almost in her mouth as she recalls everything she knew.

Her eyes burn as she looks at him, the one man who had somehow managed to ruin _everything. _

“Where is he?” She asks, her voice hoarse as she looks around but she sees _no one—_something akin to hope blossoming in her heart.

“Gone.”

“Where is he?” She repeats again, her voice firm, her eyes burning. She will find him, she has to. 

She’s spent _nine _years without him, she refuses to spend any more of it without him. She refuses to.

“Alive,” He answers vaguely, his expression stoic, not giving anything away and Felicity lets out a sigh of relief, “Somewhere.”

_“Where?”_

“Somewhere,” He responds again and Felicity is this close to killing him herself when he continues, “He’s in an ideal world, Mrs. Queen.”

“An—an _ideal _world?”

“You can join him if you want to,” He says instead, “We call it the paradise dimension. He helped the universe come to a balance, once again. He knows a lot. We’ve sent him there, to spend the rest of his days living in an ideal world. He’s done his work.”

“His ideal world is here!” Felicity shouts, suddenly overwhelmed with all the information, “His children, his wife is here.” She declares, somehow the concept still confusing to her.

“His children and his wife can go there too,” The Monitor declares, “But there is no coming back from it, Mrs. Queen.”

Felicity contemplates. There is no other choice—she isn’t leaving her children behind, she knows this. 

“Is he safe?” She asks and the Monitor nods, “Will he stay safe?” Is her next question and he gives her another nod and Felicity shoulders sag in relief.

She wonders if she should cry right now or be angry. It’s still so unfair but it’s still—she is so grateful for this, that somehow, he is out there alive.

It still isn’t enough. Her children would never meet their father, he will never see them grow up. She will never get to hold him, to kiss him not for another couple of years and she wants to _cry._

She wants to cry at the unfairness of it and she wants to cry in relief. 

“What if in the future I need to speak to you again?” Felicity asks, “I’ll know it myself, Mrs. Queen. I’ll be there.”

It isn’t enough. Nothing is.

“How? I’ve been looking for you for _years. _What if you vanish again? If you even think about playing us this time, I swear I will k—“

“I will know, Mrs. Queen.”

“He will be safe.” She declares, staring right at him, not afraid.

“Yes.” Felicity nods her head rapidly, snapping her eyes shut as she contemplates it all, “I won’t join you, right now. But someday—_someday _I will_.” _

_I will find you again, I promise._

She thinks about Oliver on the other side of the world. She thinks about Mia, she thinks about William. She thinks about Oliver again as she realizes he might have gained so much—but he was losing so much.

_Paradise. _

She hopes it's kind to him. It’s the least this world can offer him but still, it’s not enough.

He will never get to see Mia grow up just like he had never been able to see William grow up. He lost his parents and now, now he has to wait for _years._

Without her. 

Without his family, on the other side.

She’s cries herself to sleep that night. 

Tears of pain and tears of joy.

She cries for herself and she cries for Oliver.

…

_The tenth _year is when she visits Star City again. 

She hides herself, a scarf around her head. She thinks to this world, she is long gone. She wonders who’ll they remember her as—Overwatch or Felicity Smoak.

She hopes it’s both. 

She enters the abandoned mansion, moving towards the garden in the back. Her eyes fixated itself on the three gravestones lying there.

_Robert Queen._

_Thomas Merlyn._

_Oliver Queen._

She steps forward, dropping the scarf on the floor as she crouches down before Oliver’s. She presses her hand against the harsh surface and she’s grateful that this isn’t his grave, but she’s been without him for _so long _that she can’t stop her tears from escaping.

“It’s good to see you here,” She hears a voice behind her head and she stands up, turning towards the source, “It’s good to see you too, John.” She murmurs back and the guy in question grins.

He moves towards her and in a second, she is pressed against his chest, his large arms encircling her small frame and Felicity _breathes. _It’s been so long since she’s just been comforted that she promptly burst into tears.

She cries for minutes, she cries for hours—she doesn’t know. 

She moves away from him after a little while, titling her head upwards only to see tears in his eyes too and it makes her want to crumble all over again.

“You did good,” She whispers to him, her eyes scrutinizing the area around them. A part of her still hates this city—this ungrateful city that just took and took and took.

But maybe now, times will change.

It’s in a better condition than before. If she has it right, Rene plans to be the next mayor, Dinah still leading SCPD and John still trying to save the city at night. 

“You did good, Felicity,” He says instead, “Oliver did good.” He tells her. He’s the only one she’s told about Oliver—the only one who knows, the only one she trusts.

“They’ll remember him as such,” Felicity speaks, nodding her head as she turns towards his grave.

_Oliver Queen_

_1985 – 2007_

_A loving son and brother, whose light was dimmed far too soon._

She orders the gravestone to be changed the very same day. The new one fits him better—

_Beloved son, brother, husband and father. Hero of Star City. The Green Arrow._

She thinks this is how the city should remember him. That he died saving it, that he died saving the _world. _Oliver Queen is the love of her life, Oliver Queen is the father of her children—

Oliver Queen is the Hero of Star City. Oliver Queen is the savior of this world.

Oliver Queen is the Green Arrow.

Two days later, Star City celebrates their hero as they replay the documentary they once shot a long time ago—paying tributes to the vigilantes, the Green Arrow most of them all.

If it had anything to do with the anonymous cheque she wrote to Star City News days ago, she doesn’t tell anybody about it. 

His legacy lives on. 

…

The _eleventh _year is as peaceful as it can get.

During the day, she works on Smoak Tech. She keeps an eye out for William. She knows he’s working on a company himself—he reminds her so much of herself.

Felicity thinks about the time when she was abandoned. Thinks about the time when she would have moved the worlds just to have her father by her side, just for him to be there, to hold her, to guide her.

She wonders if he feels the same.

She makes a deal with the company, under an alias.

She tells herself that even if she can’t be there for him, she can be there for him. That thought keeps her at peace for a few days.

At night, she holds Mia in her arms. The two of them gaze at the sky in wonder, the stars twinkling and Felicity thinks about how she’s never encountered a black sky—a dark sky, not since the night Oliver left.

She thinks it’s because she holds her _own _star in her hands. The light of her life—Mia. Does that mean it’s bleak there? Where Oliver lives? Can the starlight reach there?

It pains her. He finally found the light, only to go back into the darkness.

“Look!” Her daughter jumps all of a sudden, and Felicity is taken aback, “A shooting star!” She tells her, practically hopping on her toes as she gets off the bed, edging closer to the window, “Make a wish!”

Felicity gazes at the sky, the star bright falling from the sky and then she looks at her daughter, her eyes full of excitement, “Okay,” She grins, succumbing to it.

Mia closes her eyes shut in concentration as she focuses on her wish and Felicity does too despite everything.

She wishes for him. She hopes wherever he is, he is safe. She hopes that he knows. That she still loves him, that he has a daughter who loves him so much, a son who lives far away from this world, leading a normal life he always wanted.

“You can’t wish for so many things, silly!” She hears a voice and her eyes snap open, staring at her daughter. She mock gasps at that, “I thought you can wish for anything!”

_“_One thing.” Mia says haughtily and Felicity runs a hand through her hair, “And what did you wish for?” She cups the side of her face and Mia wonders if she should tell her.

“They say it doesn’t get true if I tell you,” Mia ponders for a second, “But you’re my _mother,” _She states like a fact, her voice getting hoarse at the very end and Felicity bites her lip, her laughter stuck at the base of the throat, “I can tell you.” She makes up the rule on her own.

“Of course, you can.”

“I wished for dad.” She tells her and Felicity’s smile fades, “I wish he would come back to us,” She continues, almost shy this time and the blonde’s shoulders sag, reality kicking in.

She moves her hands, allowing her child to fall into her arms. Mia keeps her head on her chest, her wraps banding around her waist, “What did you wish for?” She looks up, her eyes full of curiosity.

Felicity thinks about it for a brief second, trying to come up with an answer. It’s the same she knows, all of them wish for the same thing—_family._

Her heart breaks.

“Do you see the stars, Mia?” Felicity starts and she nods her head, letting out a soft hmm, like a sing song, “All the starlight that we see, it has _so _far to travel,” She caresses Mia’s forehead lightly, “The stars might not even exist anymore. Eventually, they all just fade to black,” She pauses, “Erased.”

“That’s where I want to be.” She tells her, her eyes turning misty.

_That’s always been the way with us, Felicity. You are the one who brings the light._

Mia looks at her, her eyebrows furrowed together as she tries to put her answer together. “Do you think now that we revealed our wishes to one another, they won’t get fulfilled?”

“I don’t know,” Felicity answers genuinely, placing her head on top of hers, “But we can always hope, right?” She finishes and Mia hums out in contentment.

“Can you tell me more about him?”

_Will you tell Mia that I love her every day?_

It’s comforting in a way, it hurts in a lot of ways. But Mia is aware—she’s aware her father loved her, she’s aware that her father died _for _her.

She stares at the sky, the moon staring back at her. She holds her daughter in her arms as she starts to talk about him. She tells her everything she can. The night is young and the stars glimmer.

Felicity feels hopeful.

She hopes he knows they are thinking of him. She hopes that he knows that he is the light too. That he’s happy, safe there—_paradise _they said. She just hopes he knows that his daughter loves him, so does his wife. She hopes that William knows that. That there is someone out there, watching and hoping. She hopes that they know they aren’t alone, and they can never be alone.

All she can do is hope. 

She thinks of her family as she goes to sleep. She knows Mia is aware that she is loved. She hopes William is too.

She prays Oliver is too.

It’s not the best, it’s never been the best but Felicity thinks things are getting better. Slowly, they might be getting there.

…

_The twelfth _year is when all hell breaks loose.

Felicity wonders how fucked up can someone’s life be.

Archer still exists. 

It’s in the wrong hands—_corrupt hands, _again. 

Star City is in shambles.

This is her legacy. 

…

_The thirteenth _year is when she realizes she’s on her own. 

Glades rose and the city fell.

They created a border, not allowing anyone in and for once, Felicity is thankful that she lives here. That Mia is far away from all of this, William is far away from all of this.

John vanishes and Felicity feels relieved—the vigilantes, all of them are in danger now.

She sits in her makeshift lair and she works for hours, tries to figure it all out. 

Galaxy exists. 

Rene betrayed them—betrayed _her. _She is sure that he lives on the safer side and wonders how he can live with himself, with his daughter on the other side of the wall.

Dinah tries reaching out.

She thinks about her creation falling into the wrong hands. She thinks about Rene betraying her. Felicity cuts ties.

She doesn’t trust anyone. 

She wonders if they think she is a villain too.

_The Calculator. _

They are calling her that—she remembers letting out a hollow laugh when she saw that one. What they say is true she supposes, it all forms a full circle. 

She’s the one thing she’s always been afraid of. She wonders if William knows, if he feels the same way. If he stops himself from looking for her, she knows he has the power to. Just like her.

Exactly like her.

She sits in the lair, working for hours. Mia doesn’t know. Mia _can’t _know.

She is Noah and she is Donna.

She is Felicity—

_Without Oliver._

…

_The fourteenth _year is when Felicity realizes that Mia has grown up.

She isn’t her little girl anymore and the realization hurts.

“I want to go out,” Mia insists one day and Felicity rolls her eyes, popping out the tray from the oven, “We’ve already talked about this.”

Mia lets out an angry huff, “I’m tired of sulking in this house all day, Mom! You don’t understand. I want to go to Star City. Bloomfield is small—“ She tries to find the words, “Can I just go there, once?”

“It’s not safe, Mia.” Felicity says, her tone firm, “You know that.”

“I can protect myself!”

“If people ever found out who your father is—“

“My father’s gone!_” _Mia informs her and Felicity flinches. She sees her daughter regret her words the next second, her face recoiling in pain but she doesn’t stop, “Nobody will know that he is my father. I won’t tell anyone.”

“You’re not going anywhere.” Felicity tells her, keeping her tears at bay. Her hands land on the kitchen slab, seeking support, “You have to understand, Mia. This is how it is. It’s for your own safety. Please—“ She moves forward, her hand in the air as she tries to reach for her face but Mia shoots her a look of exasperation, “If this is what it means being safe, I don’t want to be safe.” She tells her, before walking away.

Felicity watches her walk away, her hand falling right beside her, fingers flexing together wanting to seek her daughter but all she meets is thin air.

_You need to do everything in your power to keep Mia and William safe._

Sometimes, the price is too hard to pay. 

…

The _fifteenth_ year is when she realizes, she might be losing Oliver too.

She sits outside her house, her tablet clutched in her hand as she stares at the night sky. She feels at peace for a second, wanting to forget about everything. 

She closes her eyes, picturing him beside her. She thinks of a reality where all of them are together. She remembers when he used to sit beside her, holding her hand. She remembers him strolling on the street, Mia in his arms. She holds onto those memories.

_This isn’t a tropical paradise, but we never did take our honeymoon._

Her eyes snap open.

She frowns, her tablet falling on the chair beside her—a chair that’s always been there. Sometimes, it’s Nyssa who sits there. Sometimes it’s Mia but she never had the courage to move the chair away.

She closes her eyes and repeats it again—

_This isn’t a tropical paradise, but we never did take our honeymoon._

Her heart comes to a halt. She stands up hastily—she hears her voice, all she can hear is _her _voice.

Not Oliver’s.

Felicity makes her way inside the house, her hands shaking. She tries to think of something else—

_You’re the very best part of me._

All she can hear is her voice. 

She’s forgotten what he sounds like.

Her breath hitches and tears collects in her eyes. She rushes.

She enters her room and pulls out the drive. She clutches it in her hands tightly, holding onto it like it was a treasure.

It was. _It was._

She plugs it in the next second, her tears now having escaped her eyes—she can’t hold it any longer.

Not without him, never without him.

She can’t forget him.

She will not forget him.

She plays the documentary, her hand on her heart as she watches Oliver appear on her screen. His name popping up underneath—_The Green Arrow._

‘_I’ve been doing this in Star City for a really long time. But before that--‘_

She pauses.

She replays.

She doesn’t stop. 

…

The _sixteenth _year is when she realizes how much they have truly sacrificed.

William’s married.

She stares at the photo of her son and his husband and smiles sadly. She thinks she should cry, she can feel her tears behind her eyes but nothing falls.

She thinks she’s run out of them.

_William Clayton Harris._

Not a Queen. Felicity wishes it didn’t pinch her as much as it did. She hides Mia in the shadows too, Mia _Smoak—_never a Queen. 

Neither is her brother.

She wonders what Oliver’s legacy is.

She stays in her bed that night, staring at her phone. The picture of the two newlyweds on her screen and Felicity wishes he had been there. She hopes the world is kinder to them than it was to Oliver and her. 

She thinks what a horrible mother she is. She thinks of her daughter who is right next door, who doesn’t know that she has a brother---she thinks of William, who got married without his parents at his side. Who lost his mother, who lost his father and who lost her.

(He lost, he lost, he lost.)

She knows how much this life had cost her. But sometimes, she finds herself at a point where she realizes how much—_how much _had they truly lost. How much her children lost.

They never got a chance to be the family they wanted to be. They never got a chance to be the family, Oliver and she tried so hard to be. All of this for their family and yet, yet they were nothing like one.

Mia walks into her room, a nonchalant smile on her face and Felicity looks up, “Hey,” Her daughter greets her and she smiles a little, “Hey.”

“You okay?” She frowns and Felicity wonders what she noticed, it’s not like she’s crying, “Yeah.”

_You have a brother. _

_You have a brother who just got married. And you don’t know. You can’t know._

She wants to scream, she wants to shout. She wants to hug her daughter and let her know. 

She thinks of Mia rushing out of the house, wanting to meet her brother. She thinks of the world getting to know that they are her kids, that they are Oliver’s kids.

She stops.

“I’m sorry,” She lets out instead, wanting to say something. Wanting to say_ anything._

They failed. 

Oliver and she were always supposed to be a team, but the two of them are apart. And she can’t do this without him—she _failed._

“For what?” Mia frowns.

“For being a horrible mother,” She says, her voice getting hoarse. She turns her gaze away from her daughter, choosing to look at the floor instead. Her eyes away from her—_lost, _“You don’t deserve this life. You never did.”

Mia shakes her head in denial and she fully steps into the room, “This life?” Mia says confused, still not understanding.

“I mean, staying in this house cooped up all day. Growing up in Bloomfield,” Felicity sniffs, meeting her daughter’s eyes again, “Being away from _everybody.”_

“Hey,” Mia says instead, and sometimes she reminds her _so much _of Oliver—it isn’t fair, it’s just not fair.

Her daughter sits beside her, “You do realize, I couldn’t have asked for a better mother, right?” She looks at her, trying to gauge her reaction.

“What?” Felicity is the one who is confused, this time.

“I mean,” Mia pauses to think, “This isn’t the best life, Mom.” She declares, “But whatever we have is amazing. I have a mother who cares so much about me. Who put her life on hold for her kid—“

_Kids._

“Who chooses to stay in the shadows for us.” She grabs hold of her hand, “I know we’ve had our differences at times. But I couldn’t have asked for better parents, you know?” She tells her and Felicity looks into her eyes and realizes she is speaking the truth. 

“Parents who loved me enough to uproot their whole life. My mother who still tries to give me the normal life, I deserve. My father who wanted me to know that he loved me.” She interlocks their fingers and Felicity’s heart feels full, “This life isn’t ideal.” She says, shrugging her shoulders.

"But that’s what makes our love deeper than other kinds of love,” Felicity’s eyes spark with recognition and Mia shrugs, “I mean, it does! We have each other and I couldn’t have asked for anyone else,” She gestures to their joint hands and Felicity slowly feels her lips curling up and Mia jumps a little, her teeth on display, “See, now we’re talking.”

She leans her head on her mother’s shoulder, “We have each other, Mom. Don’t forget that, okay?” She whispers and Felicity’s finds herself nodding her head, overcome with emotion. She drops a small kiss on Mia’s forehead, snapping her eyes shut for a few seconds.

“Now, come on!” Mia says, pulling away, “I think I’m in a mood for a Jordan Peele marathon.” She states, “You’ll join me, right?”

“In a minute.”

Mia winks, “Gotcha. I’ll get the popcorn ready.” She nudges her thumb in the backwards direction, pointing towards the door before she turns around and exits the room.

Felicity stares at her retreating figure, her hands gripping the edge of the bed for support.

“They’ve really grown up, haven’t they?” She stage-whispers, as if talking to Oliver, her eyes burning. 

She thinks about how Mia and she have each other. She thinks about how William has his husband.

She smiles. 

She twists her wedding ring as she thinks how Oliver has no one.

_He makes his sacrifices, so we have to make ours._

As she kisses her wedding ring, her tears begin to fall.

Felicity thinks maybe she hasn’t lost it all.

…

The _seventeenth_ year is when Mia wields his bow.

Felicity stands on the side-lines as she watches Nyssa and Mia interact.

She misses him—she misses him _so much _but she smiles.

She sees her daughter fire an arrow and hit bulls eye. 

She watches as her daughter turns to look at her, a familiar glint in her eyes.

Felicity feels her heart stop.

_A cycle of good._

She hears Oliver’s voice in her head.

“A cycle of heroes.” She whispers then. 

…

The _eighteenth _year is when Felicity thinks of telling Mia the truth.

She hates vigilantes.

Felicity wonders how did it take her so long to see it.

She blames them for losing her father. She blames them for losing the city—the _life _she deserved. 

“It’s a propaganda,” Felicity tells her one day, when she sees the person on the news talk about Oliver, slandering him and her heart is heavy.

“I know,” Mia tells her, because she believes in her, “Just these vigilantes have ruined so much. Wonder how long will it take before they consume the whole world.” She almost whispers and Felicity sees her tightening her hand on her bow. 

The irony makes her want to laugh.

_Vigilantes is such an ugly world. Call them what they are – heroes._

She doesn’t tell Mia she is a vigilante too.

She wonders if her daughter will ever trust her again when she finds out. 

She wonders if she really is right, sometimes. That all vigilantes did was ruin the city. Somehow, it’s still a mess and they couldn’t save it. Oliver left, giving this world his everything but she _failed. _

She wonders how Star City will treat Mia when she goes out, because she _wants to. _Felicity knows it is inevitable. She’s proud but she’s also scared. She doesn’t want to lose them. She doesn’t want them to suffer.

_But they do, oh they do._

William gets divorced.

She wonders if children get punished for the sins of their parents.

…

The _nineteenth _year is when she loses it all.

Mia finds out the truth and she runs away.

Felicity grips the letter she left behind, her eyesight turning blurry due to the tears. She puts it down for a second, trying to understand the whole situation.

Her daughter is out there, all alone.

_Overwatch. _

She’s Overwatch, Felicity reminds herself.

She comes up with a plan. 

…

She calls John letting him know. Conner is with her, Felicity knows—she _knows _and it’s a relief, such a relief.

Oliver wasn’t alone in his mission.

She stares at the giant computer, her blue eyes staring up at a familiar picture—William and her, grinning at the camera. 

She types in a few commands and triggers a message.

_It’s a symbol of reconnection._

Mia won’t be alone either. 

…

Felicity watches Galaxy thrive.

She knows Mia is heading for it—she knows, Mia will try to dig in deeper. William too. They are their parents’ kids after all.

She thinks it’s time.

They want the Calculator, she’ll give them the Calculator.

…

She stares at the fake blueprints she had ready. The 3D map before her shifts, her eyes narrowing on the one location she plans to blow up.

The one with no civilians but the one she knows will set her plan in motion.

She hesitates before she hits the final commands on the keyboards. 

Her eyes snap shut, knowing what this means. She’ll be out there. Her kids will be out there but she knows this is the way, this is the _only _way.

_You’ve sacrificed your soul for the team. For the city and for me._

She thinks of Oliver. She thinks of this ungrateful city who turned their back on the man who saved them every year, who sacrificed his life for them.

_You don’t have to carry that burden any longer._

Her wedding ring glints.

_Let me do it._

She presses enter. 

…

The _twentieth year_ is when she has her family back.

She never thought she’d see this day.

She stays in Galaxy and she hopes, her children listened to her but a part of her—a _huge _part of her knows, they won’t listen to her.

Stubborn. 

Just like Oliver.

Just like her, she thinks.

In the end, she is right. She feels her breath hitch when she finds herself facing three people—Mia, Conner and William. 

She almost wants to cry and she finds it so unfair that they don’t have time—they should, they should, they deserve this much, please. _Please._

The shield goes down and Felicity steps out, her hands shaking. Her eyes don’t move away from William, afraid he will leave, vanish into thin air and she’ll realize it’s not real, none of it is real.

She sees the tears in his eyes.

She wants to _breakdown._

“It’s so good to see you,” She murmurs instead, reminding herself that she’s the adult here. She’s hesitant, always afraid that she will break him. She hopes he doesn’t hate her—she hopes he lets her hug him, once. 

Just _once._

He bends down to hug her and the first thing Felicity notices is how tall he is. A small laugh bubbles out of her throat, matching her tears as she runs a hand through his hair and she tells herself that he is here—that he is _here _and maybe, all of this is worth it.

“I never thought I’d see you again,” And Felicity closes her eyes for a second, she didn’t think she’d see him again either, “I was afraid you wouldn’t want to.” She voices her fear out, “After everything.” 

She thinks of the little boy who lost his mother. She thinks of the boy who then lost his father and then the only motherly figure he had in his life. She thinks of the little boy she had just wanted to protect—who just wanted a normal life and was thrusted into this world again.

“I’m so sorry, William.” She whispers earnestly, hoping he understands how much she truly means it.

William nods and Felicity feels some of the weight fall off her chest, it’s not much. 

But it’s a beginning.

…

Mia hates her.

Felicity should have seen this coming really. She knows she deserves this one.

She tries not to think about it as William and she walk into the quarters. They open a door and Felicity steps ahead of him, wanting to go in first.

She spent twenty years protecting her children, she’ll be damned if someone hurts them today. 

She didn’t expect meeting the team.

She smiles briefly on seeing them, thinking about the past. And then she frowns because she thinks about all that they had _lost._

The past is gone.

But maybe now that all of them are together, they can fix the future.

Maybe. 

…

Felicity steps inside the old lair, her eyes looking around the place that once used to be her home.

The place is dark and Felicity thinks there must be a joke about her life that she can crack here somewhere.

She steps up and heads up to her old station. A sad smile graces her face, her hands moving across the table, caressing the old computer screens before her.

The old Felicity would have had a fit seeing the condition of her lair, her computers.

“You okay?” Mia asks, tilting her head a little in question and Felicity nods, her voice breaking, “Yeah. I am.” 

The new one is used to pain.

“Well,” She hears and she turns her head towards the source of the voice, her eyebrows furrowing as she watches William head towards them, holding _masks._

“I think I figured out a way to infiltrate Galaxy.” He states, dropping the masks on the table before them as he starts explaining his plan.

_A masquerade party._

A perfect disguise, Felicity thinks.

She makes a beeline towards the table, the tips of her fingers touching the all different kinds of them before her.

_How do I look? _

She snaps her eyes shut for one second.

_Like a hero._

She picks green.

…

She finds Mia brooding.

The fact that she is her father’s daughter never goes missing.

She reminds her so. She holds her daughter’s face in her hands, “You’re so much like your father.” She tells her, “On the field.” She whispers, “So badass.” _His _daughter smiles, her eyes shining with unshed tears and Felicity lets out a sigh of relief, she didn’t know she was holding.

Her eyes shine with _pride._

It wasn’t filled with doubt like it had been before, neither it was full of anger. For the first time, Mia understands.

Her questions finally have an answer. 

…

“How do you do it?” She hears Roy ask and Felicity frowns, “Do what?”

“Hold on.” He tells her, walking towards her and the blonde for a brief second, thinks about the past—when he was new to the team and only got along with her. When it was just the two of them.

Felicity thinks, “Aren’t you holding on too?” She whispers back, a sad and knowing smile on her face. Once they shared their mutual frustrations about the Queen siblings and now, they share their mutual loss.

He nods sadly and Felicity turns her attention towards her wedding ring. As if trying to remind herself that he was still out there. 

He must be holding on.

_You’re my always._

Life wasn’t easy but perhaps the easiest thing she had to do was hold on.

_He’s her always too._

…

William wants answers as well.

"I’m sorry,” Is all she can say, “Your father loved you _so _much. I love you so much. I wish there had been another way,” She says, “We were even planning to get you back with us then—“ She trails off, unsure where to go for a second.

She tells him everything he missed. She tells him it all had been to keep him safe. To make sure, he gets the _normal _life he deserves. 

William nods his head, listening to her speak as he leans his head against her hand—his eyes shining with tears, just like his sister.

_Pride, _Felicity sees.

_Pain too._

…

Felicity waits anxiously in the bunker, for the kids to come through. All four of them were out and she taps her foot against the bunker, waiting for something, _anything._

The blast happens.

Felicity stops breathing.

She rushes, running her fingers on the keyboard trying to look. Her shoulders sag in relief, as she realizes they made it out safe.

She turns around, her hands against the table as she closes her eyes. Wanting to rest for a minute. _Just a minute._

When she opens them, her eyes lock with Rene and Dinah’s.

_And your kids, they are no slouches either, Felicity. They are like their parents._

She wonders about it briefly.

She hears a commotion and looks at the entrance. 

She watches Mia step in, a green bow clutched tightly in her hand. Her shoulders stoic as she walks ahead of the team.

She thinks of a billionaire stranded on an island. She thinks of the man who survived five years in hell, the man who created this hero. The man who saved this city. In the dark and in the light. 

She sees William trail behind her. His arm goes around his sister’s neck, as if trying to choke her out and Felicity fights a grin.

She thinks of an ordinary IT girl who ended up working with the vigilante. She thinks of the woman who sat behind the desk in front of Oliver’s Queen cabin, who became the CEO of her own company. She thinks of her purpose, she thinks about saving people. 

Conner trails behind them, his hands in his pocket. His eyes on Mia as he sticks close to the duo, but not that close as if afraid of something. 

She thinks of an ex militant who came back home from war, fighting his own evils. She thinks of the man who joined this crusade, wanting to save the city. She thinks of the man who never gave up, who never stopped fighting.

Her eyes land on Zoe, who is walking on Connor’s other side, a staff clutched tightly in her hand, sticking close to the group.

She thinks of a team that existed once upon a time. That started with three and then they were more. So many more. 

_A cycle of heroes_.

This is _their _legacy. 

…

She asks her children to meet her one _last _time. It's near his grave, Felicity finds it fitting.

She thinks she is making the right decision. It doesn’t matter if she is a fugitive, her children get to have a secure future. 

And that was worth any sacrifice.

She also knows, they’ll be just like that. Runs in their blood, she supposes but maybe that’s what is best. Them getting to _choose _what they want. 

Oliver didn’t get that choice, his children will.

They will not be around to carry this forward. 

Their children will.

They were ready. They were going to be okay.

Felicity feels her heart thumping in her chest, the anticipation kicking in. She knows what this means, she can finally go be with him. It’s a bittersweet feeling really, being with him meant leaving her children behind _forever._

But Felicity’s gotten used to sacrifices.

And maybe—maybe this was it, her _happy ending._

She swallows the lump in her throat as Mia and William walk towards her.

“I wanted to say goodbye to both of you,” She tells them.

“Here?” William asks and Felicity turns her head briefly, looking at Oliver’s grave. She wishes she can tell them their father is alive and on the other side. 

But then she knows, they’ll try too. And this was not their battle.

This was _their _battle – Oliver and Felicity.

Their children will be happy. They’ll fight, they’ll hold on to one another—they’ll have each other. 

“Just wanted us to be together one last time,” Felicity whispers, a small smile on her face. As if finally acknowledging she will _meet _Oliver, a sad smile knowing what this means for her children.

“What do you mean last?” Mia catches on, “Just because you’re a fugitive, doesn’t mean we can’t still communicate.”

Felicity steps forward, “Things are going to be different this time.” She says softly, “You two don’t need my protection anymore.” 

“You’re our mom,” Mia tries to fight, “We’ll still want you in our lives.”

Felicity brushes her hair away, just like she did when Mia was a kid, “I promised your father that I’ll protect both of you, until you don’t need me.”

_I will find you again, I promise._

“He’ll be so proud,” She looks back and forth between the two siblings, “So proud of both of you.”

Felicity then thinks it isn’t fair.

He will never get to see them, he will never get to be with them. Mia and William will never get to be with their father.

“I miss him so much.”

“I wish I got to know him.”

It’s just not _fair._

“But he lives on in two of you,” She stands in between them, one arm around both the kids. She knows he does.

_You’ll never leave me. _

“It’s time for me to go on a journey of my own,” She says. 

Will it be different this time? Will they fall in love, all over again? 

Twenty years was a long time.

Felicity’s eyes flutter close for a second, her shoulders sagging.

Way too long.

“I love you both so much,” She states, her heart full, “So, promise me that you two will take care of each other.” William nods his head, reaching forward and grabbing her in a hug. Mia following suit and Felicity holds onto both of them.

Is this what their life always will be?

Holding on?

Holding on to each other, holding on to their children.

She hugs them tighter, dropping her forehead on William’s shoulder as she realizes this will be the last time.

Her little girl has always been with her, but now she will not be here anymore.

Her son had just found her, but now she will not be around anymore.

Her heart breaks.

She will see Oliver soon.

Her heart soars.

It’s not a maybe this time. Felicity is going to meet him, she is going to be with him. 

There is _hope._

She’s lost this battle once. She’s waited twenty years. 

She won’t lose it again.

Not this time.

She will have Oliver by her side.

_A team within a team._

Not this time.

…

She waits for the Monitor to show up.

Her fingers don’t move from her wedding ring, as if trying to reassure herself that he is real and he will be with her. He will be beside her.

_I will find you again, I promise._

She thinks she can cry right now. 

But she doesn’t.

She smiles. 

It’s a genuine one, she knows of this. It doesn’t feel hollow anymore. Her lips curl up covering her entire face. 

The Monitor walks towards her and stands by her side. He looks at her and for a moment, Felicity wonders if he thinks she will back off—she’s been ready for this moment for twenty years now.

“Where I’m taking you, there is no returning.”

Felicity answers in a second, “I’ve waited a very long time to see him,” She says, “I’m ready.”

She stands beside the monitor, eagerly waiting. 

Her eyes look up at the sky one last time, the stars twinkling. She looks down at her hand, her wedding ring shining as well, the silver practically glowing in the dark.

It’s bright---like the world knows. Like it’s always known.

Because this is how it ends.

Because this is how it _begins _really -- Oliver and Felicity

Not two star crossed lovers, not two shores never meant to unite but rather two waves that will _always _find their way back to each other.

So, she smiles. She smiles fully for the first time in twenty years as she stares ahead, as she stares at her future.

She knows they’ll be okay.

She steps into the _light._

...

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! x Comments and kudos are always appreciated :)


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